Forgiveness is Requested, not Extorted

Forgiveness should be requested, not demanded.  One does not say, “But I have been begging him since, yet he doesn’t want to forgive.  After all, is he God that I should be begging him over this very small matter?”  ForGIVEness should be a gift, not an extortion.  Penitence is deeper than the words of confession by which one ‘applies’ for forgiveness.  If confession has no roots in a repentant heart, if it is only as deep as the tongue, then it had been a mere religious show or ceremonial oration, which could be more offensive to the sensitive soul.  We may not call something a gift if it were procured by force from the other.  Gifts are offered and received, not extorted; for-give-ness no less.

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Third Parties

Do ‘third parties’ have a place in a feud between two parties?  Yes.  After all, Jesus promised that where two or three are gathered together in His name, He would be there in their midst (Matthew 18:20).  Where personal outreach has failed, third parties could become an option for peace.  Sometimes, a project is beyond the ability of one person to execute, so they hire contractors.  The peace mover or initiator would often be the one who seeks the third party, as in the following scripture where one party in the dispute makes himself impossible to reach.

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The Two Aspects of Confession

In 1 John 1:9 – “If we confess our sins…” – we find two aspects to confession.  Firstly, confession of the sins, which implies admission of guilt; and secondly, requesting forgiveness based on the sins admitted.  If somebody simply said to you, “Please, forgive me,” you might ask them, “Forgive you for what?”  They have asked forgiveness but have confessed to no wrongdoing.  Forgiveness is usually connected to a trespass.  However, if they said, “I damaged your car on Monday (acknowledgment – of sin). Please, forgive me (apology; request for forgiveness).  I am willing to pay for the repairs if you should give me time to get the money” (therapeutic restitution).   Anyone would relate better with such an apology than one that requests blank forgiveness without also providing the specific ‘address’ of the trespass to which the pardon should be posted.

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Licensed Offenders: Dogs and Swine

Preachers – and I have been one of those – have often addressed forgiveness from the angle of the transgressed person who should be magnanimous with forgiveness so that they are not shut out of Heaven.  We have not equally restrained the habitual offender from their ‘right’ to offend.  My engagement with this subject has taught me that even though a transgressed righteous person might dispense forgiveness for the sake of their righteousness, there is as much responsibility, if not more, on the offender in resolving conflicts and achieving peace.

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Repent and Return

Some people are near impossible – if not impossible – to please or reform, even when they are the guilty ones.  That is implied in Paul’s remarkable admonition in Romans 12:18, to “live peaceably with all men,” but to do so “as much as” lies within one’s ability.  In other words, be notified that you will not succeed to win the peace in every case or with every person, no matter how much you try.  You should not blame yourself for such folks, for trying much but not succeeding.   Even if you died trying to please them, your carcass still won’t soften them.  They will ever find fault.  That is probably also why St Luke adds the “if” clause in his scriptures on forgiveness.  It might seem a humbling act to return and request forgiveness, but the action is the offender’s important part of the ‘investment’ into the peace process.  It is no cheap investment.

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Requesting Forgiveness (Chapter 7)

 Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them. – Bruce Lee

Say Something

There is an element of choice in matters of forgiveness: choice in requesting forgiveness, choice in dispensing forgiveness, and choice also in receiving forgiveness.  To the extent that the forgiveness offered may be rejected, it is also up to the trespasser to request or not request forgiveness.  In the Holy Bible, requesting forgiveness is the common path to receiving forgiveness.  For example, in the Genesis 50:17 account, the brothers of Joseph asked for it; they said something; they “spake” something, specifically asking Joseph to “forgive” them.  In response, the request was granted in the language of tears.  They did not speak in ‘signs’ that the other was meant to ‘understand.’  A resort to ‘sign language’ when verbalisation is possible could be indicative of a heart too proud to admit its error; a heart seeking something else in the name of ‘peace.’

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The Trespass of Brethren (Chapter 6: pp 63-77)

An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. – Proverbs 18:19, New Living Translation

Better a thousand enemies outside the house than one inside. – Arabic proverb

Exploited Kisses

Some trespasses are harder to forgive or forget, because they come from “brethren,” from people who sit with us, eat with us, live with us under the same roof; members of the same sworn team, or children of the same Father.  That was what Joseph faced: “the trespass of thy brethren.”   Those were not just “brethren,” they were “THY brethren,” his own blood brothers.  That is what sometimes makes it worse: “thy brethren” – in their plural number against your singular self; in their malicious majority against your defenceless minority; in their conspiratorial unity against your voiceless innocence: “thy brethren.”  Jesus was betrayed by one whom He called a “friend” (Matthew 26:50), one who exploited the lovely language of a kiss to betray his Master (Luke 22:48).

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So shall ye say unto Joseph, Forgive, I pray thee now, the trespass of thy brethren, and their sin; for they did unto thee evil: and now, we pray thee, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of thy father. And Joseph wept when they spake unto him. – Genesis 50:17

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I once heard a preacher say a pidgin parable that hadn’t made much sense to me until now: “Shine your shine, let me shine my shine.”  The underlying message was, there is enough space in the universe for each star to ‘shine their shine’ without competing with or feeling threatened by the other.  When God put the lights in space, this is what was said:

And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also (Genesis 1:16).

According to the Maker, the sun and moon are both “great lights”; all the same, one light is “greater,” and the other is called “the lesser light.”  In other words, all great lights don’t shine the same; all greatness is not the same greatness, yet no greatness should threaten or be threatened by the greatness of the other.  Each light stays in its lane, shining its own light without an effort to outshine the other. 

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