GIVING AND RECEIVING FORGIVENESS (“Forgiveness” Series 19)

A Pardon Refused…

A pardon refused does not benefit a trespasser.  The crisis of some prodigal sons is not from forgiveness denied, it is from pride that puts them too high to stoop for forgiveness in a father’s house.  Such proud prodigals often seek to exploit the tenderness and common goodliness of their father, requiring him to meet them on their own terms, in their far Far-Country, ‘settle’ with them there, then ride them home in heroic procession with worshippers lining the streets and applauding them with triumphal ‘hosannas’ over a conquered father.  Their incorrigible pride would rather have them wander and waste away in their distant land than meekly return.  Meanwhile, they might be blaming their woes on the other to whom nobody has given the chance to tell his side of the pains.

A pardon refused does not benefit the trespasser.  Celebration for ‘found’ sons is held in the father’s house, not at the son’s Far Country address.  It is in ‘his house’ that the father is able to say, “THIS my son….”  The reverse expression of “THAT my son…” to a persisting prodigal is an aberration (Luke 15:24).  “THIS my son” and “THAT my son” do not mean the same thing, and they are not said about a person in the same place, or in the same proximity with the speaker.  One is here, the other is there; one is near, the other is far; ‘this’ is here, ‘that’ is there.  The proximate relationship between speaker and object is not the same in both cases.  To hear again, “THIS my son,” somebody has to leave ‘there’ to come back ‘here’ where the father is.

It takes humility to receive some pardons.  Sometimes, people have been ruined by their pride rather than by their trespass or by forgiveness denied.  Sometimes, also, in the name of holiness that is not whole; in the name of holiness that is actually hollowness, umpires have reinforced the badness of spoilt children by insisting on ‘forgiveness’ to them on their own terms, at their Far Country address still adamantly far from home.  The Prodigal Son teaches us that true repentance involves a practical step from somewhere to somewhere else; from somewhere old and far away to somewhere new and near.

Such long trips from ‘Far’ places of separation to the ‘here’ and ‘now’ of reconciliation usually entail sacrifices; ‘travel expenses,’ we might say.  The farther away one has strayed, the longer the distance it might take to reconnect with ‘home.’  Sometimes, however, out-looking fathers make the distance shorter for returning prodigals by running out to meet them while they are “yet a great way off.”  That is done as a reciprocal gesture to the apparent effort of the returning son.  It is unfair and absurd to compel aged fathers (in the name of fatherliness or loveliness) to run towards rational adult sons (not foolish sheep) who have made no apparent decision or effort to return.

And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him (Luke 15:20).

The Unfindable Sheep

Despite the best of intentions even by the best of shepherds seeking their sheep, some sheep may never be found.  No matter how much one tries, not everyone will be grateful for forgiveness.  In His teachings in Matthew 18, Jesus gave the illustration of a man who lost one sheep out of a hundred, and went out in search of the single sheep lost from the fold.  What shocks me is Jesus’ conclusion to that exemplar:

And if so be that he find it, verily I say unto you, he rejoiceth more of that sheep, than of the ninety and nine which went not astray (Matthew 18:13).

I thought that Jesus would have said, ‘When he finds it…,’ but He uses the conditional expression, “if,” allowing that some sheep might never be found, no matter how vigorously one might search for them with forgiveness.   No matter what one does, some strayed sheep will be unfindable.  It is not one’s fault in every case that some sheep cannot be ‘found.’  Simply put: You cannot reconcile everyone.  After all, even Jesus lost Judas, whom He called “the son of perdition” (John 17:12).  Don’t hang yourself if you are unfortunate to deal with ‘unfindable’ sheep.  Forgive and move on.  Be at peace with yourself and with God, at least.

The Bible enjoins, “IF it be possible” and “as much as lieth in you,” live in peace with “all men” (Romans 12:18).  In one sentence in one verse alone, two probabilities are admitted, which says much. “If it be possible” suggests that it will not be possible to live in peace with some people, no matter how “much” you might try.  “As much as lieth in you” means that everyone does not have the same capacity to tolerate the same things.  ‘As much as’ lies with Peter is not ‘as much as’ lies with James; ‘as much as’ lies with fiery Elijah is not ‘as much as’ lies with tender Hosea, so we cannot use the capacity of one person to judge another.  Not everybody can tolerate every kind of person in the same way, and some sheep are simply unfindable, no matter how much one might try.  Don’t kill yourself for them.  Keep moving.  Console yourself with the ninety-nine.

All attempts to resolve conflict will not always result in peace, which should not be a cause for self-condemnation. “If” peace be not possible, the cause might sometimes lie with the sheep rather than with the shepherd.  The no-peace state of affairs might not be because of the shepherd’s wickedness or sinfulness or unforgiving disposition or insufficient search for the lost sheep.  Do your best but have the consolation that you cannot save everyone.

Some trespassers can be very tasking of one’s patience.  Bible truth be told, there are characters that it is difficult to live in peace with, no matter how ‘much’ you might try, even if you sold your soul to appease them.  Don’t sell your soul; but try, all the same, and don’t hang yourself on their account.  Some sheep are just rebelliously unfindable…

From The Preacher’s diary.

Culled from the book, Forgiveness, by The Preacher, chapter 11, pp. 163-167

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One year ago, in March 2025, we posted the last in the series from the book on Forgiveness, thereafter commencing the serialisation of the book, One Woman, Five Husbands: Christian Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage and other messages that followed, prophetically addressing the seasons.  Copies of that classic book on Christian marriage and divorce have been out since September 2025. We are urged to return and resume the series on Forgiveness from where we paused a year ago.

For copies of the book Forgiveness (and others not yet out of print), kindly reach us through the contact details provided, or visit the online shops through the links supplied below for the electronic editions of the books so listed – at Amazon and Selar books.

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