Scars Beyond Forgiveness (FORGIVENESS Series 22)

In nurturing a patient’s will to live, the first step is locating and treating past traumas. These poorly healed scars drain a significant portion of energy, and they hamper the body’s capacity for self-defense. – David Servan-Schreiber, MD, AntiCancer

She shrank from words, thinking of the scars they leave, which she would be left to tend when he had gone. – Elizabeth Taylor

What deep wounds ever closed without a scar? – Lord Byron 

Forgiveness does not Erase Scars

Forgiveness might erase a fault, but it does not erase the scars.  Giving or receiving forgiveness does not mean that the past with its pains forever goes away.  If a boy stole his father’s car, went off to sell it, and lost an eye in his prodigal profligacy with the money from the sale, returning to reconcile with his father will not restore the lost eye, neither will it restore to the father the cherished car that was a parting gift from a dear friend.  They will both live forever with the scars.  How they manage it, how they let it determine or not determine the rest of their life, will be a different story for another chapter.

Wounds will heal, but sometimes healed wounds leave ugly scars more painful to the eyes and the mind than the wounds had been in the flesh.  The promise of healing should therefore be no reason for carelessly wounding another. Sometimes people have died from ugly scars who had survived painful wounds.

The harassed husband who slashes his aggressive razor-tongued wife to death in a moment of anger could get forgiveness from her children and understanding parents, but he will live ever after with a bad conscience made worse each time he sees the little children whose Mommy he took suddenly and violently away in an angry gruesome instant.  Thankful as he would be for the forgiveness from her parents, it will not restore their only daughter; it will not take away from their wall her smiling photos that bring daily tears to their aged heart.   Some scars may torment the forgiven one alone, but other scars touch the forgiver also.

Returning from Prodigal Country does not erase the scars of the prodigal life, so, think deeply before you start the Disney trip from home towards ‘more attractive’ Far Countries with their phantom promise of a paradise.  It might be easy to go, but not so easy to return.  Besides, not all fathers will keep their doors perpetually open for uncertain diaspora prodigals who, unprovoked, take their wilful adult trip away from home.

Sadly, some prodigals get wiser only after they have lost their chance forever, then they become unsolicited counsellors of other stubborn starters.  I recently read on social media the sad story of a young ex-wife warning other women against the stupid and proud mistakes that irreparably ruined her marriage.  She insisted on and got the amicable dissolution that she demanded from her husband, but she was to regret afterwards that it left her damaged for life.  Scars, they come in different forms and speak their different languages, regardless of forgiveness.

The Scars of David

The Bible tells the story of King David who by indirect means killed one of his army officers and took that man’s pretty wife whom he had impregnated in adultery while the officer was away on a faithful official trip abroad.  When the trespasser cried to God, he was forgiven, yet God insisted that the child – the product of that illicit relationship – would die.  That was post-forgiveness trauma; scars (Psalm 51:1-14; 2 Samuel 12:14).  Furthermore, that sin promptly opened the door to a strange string of woes in David’s household, as the next chapters began to unfold: incest in the family, bloody rivalries among his sons, the molestation of females, and more.  Scars, despite the forgiveness; ugly earthly reminders despite a grateful heavenly pardon (2 Samuel 12:10-11).  Forgiveness may be sure, but some scars still pain the eyes more than any wound could have pained the flesh.

King David is also recorded to have carried out a stubborn census, despite the restraint from his more discerning advisers.  As consequence of that act, divine retribution came upon his kingdom.  In one day, 70,000 died from the outbreak of a strange plague (1 Chronicles 21:1-30).  David was sorry, and promptly repented to God.  He was forgiven too, but the scars remained: tens of thousands of wives irreparably widowed, children orphaned, parents bereaved; 70,000 sudden corpses, waiting to be buried; 70,000 single graves (or maybe 7,000 mass graves); 100,000 grieving homes; numberless business partners lost, and disrupted countless businesses; a myriad of lost opportunities; scars upon scars upon scars, even though the sin had been forgiven.

Painful Scars

Forgiveness can be a mighty healing balm, but sometimes the scars from the injury can be ugly reminders of the unpleasant prodigal past.  Forgiveness might heal wounds, but it does not take away scars, and the scars of a healed wound can be no less painful to the eyes than the wound had been to the flesh.  The magnanimity of the forgiver or the assurance of forgiveness is no excuse to dare offences.

We do not always know the contents of a package until, too late, it has been opened.  That is when we wish we had never dared at all.  Scars.  Who finds forgiveness should be grateful, but the assurance of forgiveness should be cherished, not abused.  Sadly, there are those who will never request forgiveness until they can find it no longer; and those who withhold forgiveness until it is too stale for anyone.  For example, the grieved mother who was never appeased until she died broken-hearted will not return in future when the stubborn child is wiser and ready to repent.  The aggrieved father who refused all entreaties will find his forgiveness useless when he stands over the casket of that child killed by traumatic unhappiness.  Scars, they come in different forms, for offender and offended.

The presumptuous long leap does not always land in the cushioning sands of forgiveness; sometimes it lands on unexpected concrete slabs that leave eternal broken bones.  Look before you leap.  Forgiveness may be sure, but you can never guarantee the scars afterwards.   Forgiveness might erase the past, but it does not always guarantee the future consequences of that past.  The future you take for granted could be the past you will live to regret.

Culled from the Forgiveness book, chapter 12, (pp. 181-186)

GET THESE BOOKS …

One year ago, in March 2025, we posted the last in the series from the book on Forgiveness, thereafter commencing the serialisation of the book, One Woman, Five Husbands: Christian Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage and other messages that followed, prophetically addressing the seasons.  Copies of that classic book on Christian marriage and divorce have been out since September 2025. We are urged to return and resume the series on Forgiveness from where we paused a year ago.

For copies of the book Forgiveness (and others not yet out of print), kindly reach us through the contact details provided, or visit the online shops through the links supplied below for the electronic editions of the books so listed – at Amazon and Selar books.

• https://selar.co/m/kontein-trinya1?search=forgiveness – Forgiveness
• https://a.co/d/01BtigEN – One Woman, Five Husbands: Christian Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage
• https://selar.co/903394 – Balaam
• https://selar.co/1g4486 – Stray Bullets
• https://selar.co/443i94 – Mystic Markets
• https://selar.co/q4454b – Beyond Holiness