FIVE HUSBANDS AND TWO MEN: Christian Divorce and Re-Marriage? (Part 10 of 18)

21. Desertion

Apart from death by one partner, Paul provides another possible ground for remarriage after a divorce.  If one partner should choose to depart from the marriage for fundamental differences in spiritual perspectives, the other was freed from the marriage obligation, as two cannot “walk together, except they be agreed” (Amos 3:3).  Paul says, “in such cases,” the other is “not under bondage” anymore to the marriage, implying that the person is ‘free’ to remarry (1 Corinthians 7:15).

That passage does not say, “WHEN the unbeliever departs,” but “IF,” which means that although such departures should not be the rule, they are a possibility.  Whereas in 1 Corinthians 7:15 Paul addresses himself to the believer in the condition where his or her unbelieving partner might strongly wish to depart, in the verses before, he shows that even the believer might be obliged to make the same decision of departing or putting away, in the same circumstances of a relationship with an unyielding and implacable ‘unbeliever’ (1 Corinthians 7:12).  In other words, in the given circumstances, not only the unbeliever but also the believer could be the initiator or the departer “in such cases” where mutual peace is threatened.  All the same, he appeals to the believer that such drastic steps should not be hastily taken, because they might become the means of salvation to their partner.  He makes it clear that it is a possibility, although not a guarantee.  Some have stayed and saved the other at last, so also have others been lost trying to save the other.  In the end, they lost themselves and lost the other too, saving none (1 Corinthians 7:12-14).

12 Here I want to add some suggestions of my own. These are not direct commands from the Lord, but they seem right to me: If a Christian has a wife who is not a Christian, but [by her actions and general lifestyle] she wants to stay with him anyway, he must not leave her or divorce her. 13 And if a Christian woman has a husband who isn’t a Christian, and HE wants her to stay with him, she must not leave him. 14 For perhaps the husband who isn’t a Christian may become a Christian with the help of his Christian wife. And the wife who isn’t a Christian may become a Christian with the help of her Christian husband. Otherwise, if the family separates, the children might never come to know the Lord; whereas a united family may, in God’s plan, result in the children’s salvation.

15 But if the husband or wife who isn’t a Christian is eager to leave, it is permitted. In such cases the Christian husband or wife should not insist that the other stay, for God wants his children to live in peace and harmony (1 Corinthians 7:12-15, The Living Bible).

According to verse 12, the Christian can do either of two things: “leave her or divorce her,” given the stated conditions.  He can leave, or she can leave.  Again, the fact that the husband may “put away” or the wife may “leave him” (vv. 11-13) says more about roles and rights in the marriage, about powers and places, about who ‘has’ where, to be able to do what.  They both have the power to leave, but only one has the power to put away what he brought in, implying authority and powers in the space from which he puts away, but that is a different topic.

22. The Unbeliever

Certain interpreters are persuaded that 1 Corinthians 7:12-15 addresses only the case where one partner becomes a Christian and the other is not; where the not-yet-believer (or non-believer) opposes the now-believer’s new faith and decides to end the marriage by leaving or sending the other out.  That argument does not take the full context into consideration, so it is not a perfect position.

Just as any one of two unbelieving partners can become a Christian, any one of two believing partners can become an unbeliever, unless we are to say that a believer is never likely to backslide.  Paul addresses himself to the Christian partner because the believer is more reasonably disposed to Scriptural counsel, to which the other might be vehemently disinclined and therefore unprepared for that kind of help.  In other words, where one partner is staunchly unreachable with scriptural truth (whether they go to church or not), that partner qualifies as an unbeliever, and may not be restrained or compelled to stay.  To insist that they stay could be at the risk of the very crises against which Paul advises when he says, “God wants his children to live in peace and harmony.”  That is to say that some peace may only be achieved not by the continuing theologically forceful cohabitation of two combatants but by the exclusion of one.  The equation for such a peace, therefore, is not believer + unbeliever (at all costs), but believer – unbeliever = peace.  Paul advises the Christian to take the option that makes for peace; peace to themselves and to the other, by letting them go, and in the process freeing themselves also from the painful belligerent bond.  That means that proper and godly peace sometimes could mean the removal of the volatile element (the enemy of peace) from the conjugal equation, because every kind of combination does not make for peace.

Does ‘unbeliever’ mean someone whose name is not in the church register?  No.  Can a Christian qualify as an unbeliever in certain relational respects?  Yes.  For example, Jesus said that if there was a breach between two brothers (note, brothers), the godly of the two should reach out to make peace.  If that effort should fail to achieve reconciliation, the peace-seeking brother should proceed to take a witness or two and make a second move.  If that should also fail, he should involve the church, that is, the larger community, thus increasing the company of witnesses.  Any ‘brother’ who remains adamant after all the escalated entreaties for peace, becomes “an heathen man and a publican” while he might still retain the religious or relational tag of a ‘brother’ (Matthew 18:15-17).  So, can a brother or sister, by their attitude, scripturally qualify as an unbeliever?  According to Jesus, yes.   In other words, being a believer or unbeliever is much more than a religious tag or some church membership.

Some have argued, “He/she was not an unbeliever when you married, therefore this clause does not apply to you.  Stay until one of you is dead.”  That is faulty logic.  Paul’s point is, two people agreed to start a journey, which got to a point where one party is prepared to sink the boat unless they go or are allowed to go, because they are unwilling to accept a new state in the relationship.  Rather than sink the boat, Paul says, let them go, or you can go.  The point is not about how or where they started but where they had got to, and the vehement position of the other or oneself.

In Acts 5:3, Pastor Peter publicly confronted a church member thus: “Why hath Satan filled thine heart to lie?”  That was a ‘brother’ in title, with his name apparently on the church roll, but with the throne of Satan in his heart, to the point of his becoming a fearless public liar – even in church.  He died by the strong anointing on the service that day.  Was that still a brother indeed?  By the nature and circumstances of his death, can we say that he went to heaven, being a ‘congregational’ brother?

Being an unbeliever of any kind is bad, but, according to Paul, there is something much “worse” than becoming an unbeliever, even “worse than an infidel,” who has altogether “denied the faith,” that is, when a professed believer lives as certain negligent lifestyle that disposes their family to danger through avoidable lack (1 Timothy 5:8).  So, a Christian in name can become an unbeliever in conduct, or even worse; they can qualify in spiritual terms even as an “infidel,” who has denied the faith.  Therefore, ‘brother’ and ‘sister’ are mere titles where lifestyle does not match creed.  To that extent, 1 Corinthians 7:15 would refer to much more than someone who does not profess faith.

In the context of Paul’s counsels in that passage, a sinner who is committed enough to the sanctity of marriage to the point of willing to remain, and working to remain with their partner, despite a change in religious perspectives, is more righteous than a ferocious church-member partner who can no longer be kept, who resolves vehemently to depart or manipulates events to achieve that end.  In other words, it takes a certain kind of ‘unbelieverness’ to work against the marriage and seek to end it.  The underlying principle is that it is better to be at peace without a toxic person like that, than keep them by force of a religious or cultural creed and risk perennial wars in the home, in the name of a marriage that is not.  The marital relationship should be held together by love, mutual commitment, and fear of God, rather than by fear of cultural and other sanctions, even though, sometimes, such traditions and beliefs have mediated long enough to save a marriage until the partners were maturer for love and commitment to steer their ship the rest of the way.

This is probably the uncomfortable balance that is lacking.  Sacred as marriage is, important as it is for partners to be encouraged to patiently bear one another in love, grave as divorce has been in several cases, it is spiritually and relationally unhelpful to insist on one good extreme of a truth to the tragic detriment, in some cases, of those being guided by that truth.  Paul states that sometimes the precious pearl of peace is not to be sacrificed at the altar of an ungrateful swine who could turn around to devour the other, making them the unfortunate victims of their own goodwill (Matthew 7:6).  Peace is not to be negotiated, not with who is unprepared for it.

If we read that passage again, Paul does not prescribe that any must stay or go in the cantankerous condition where one insists that they would go, or where the other feels unsafe enough to wish to go.  He leaves the decision to the discretion of the parties, making a concession to their personal choice. He says, however, that it’s a choice that should not be hastily made, but a possible choice all the same, with its probabilities and implications.  Properly in these matters, wisdom does not force a decision on either of the parties.  It shows them the implications, gives them the options, and leaves them to make the choice, lest when crises should come afterwards, an Adam would blame God for making him the victim of a choice that was made for him without consulting him – “It was the woman YOU gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it” (Genesis 3:12, New Living Translation).  A third party does not ‘agree’ for two others to “walk together.”  It is the two that are intent on the mutual ‘walk’ that should so agree with themselves – “… except THEY be agreed” (Amos 3:3).  They can only be guided in the process.

It cannot be denied that patience and perseverance have won many a partner after a long godly endurance, but it does not also deny that some have shortened their lives in regrettable ways for staying when they should have fled, often because they wished to please other opinions.  Jesus called us to be prepared to be persecuted for righteousness’ sake, but He also warned, “when they persecute you in this city, flee ….”  In other words, use your initiative to save your life when you can, rather than hope foolishly for a ‘vindicating’ spectacular intervention by some heavenly chariot of fire when you could have used your legs to do the same (Matthew 5:10; 10:23).  All deaths do not glorify God.  Some persecution is for righteousness’ sake; some is regrettable destruction from a lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6).

23. Paul’s Self-contradictions?

If our interpretations of Paul’s clauses so far are as we have presented them, was he contradicting himself in such passages as Romans 7:1-3 where he quotes the Master’s teaching on the subject, as offered in Matthew and Mark and Luke, that one partner cannot have a justifiable remarriage after a divorce, while the other partner is still alive?  How could Paul say to the Romans that a remarriage while the other partner is still alive could be tantamount to adultery, yet provide grounds to the Corinthians for that to occur in other cases?  I wondered about that myself, and came to the resolution that one condition was the ideal situation being presented, as Jesus declared it; the others were the options where the ideal was unmet.

For instance, to “sin not,” is the ideal Christian counsel, yet because sometimes even the strong falls, but should get back again to their feet and continue the race, we are told, “If any man sin…” (1 John 2:1).  Was the apostle not thus contradicting himself?  Why should he say in one place, “sin not,” and in another, “If we confess our sins…” (1 John 1:9)?   Was he expecting us to be sinning, after telling us to not sin?   When he says, “If we confess OUR sins” (including the speaker), was he not implying that his other exhortation for the Christian to “sin not” was unrealistic, and thus self-contradictory?   No.  Both writers were making a distinction between the ideal, yet recognising the unfortunate possibility that mortals might sometimes fall in aiming at that ideal, but should not stop there.

From The Preacher’s diary, 

July 20, 2021. 

• A link to the e-book version of these posts shall be provided in the last three ‘Parts’ of this series.
• A collection of all remarks to these posts (received online/offline) shall be the last ‘Part’ of the series.

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NOTE:

We shall take a brief pause from the present posts, to avoid information overload. At Part 10 now, it is our perception that readers need time to better interact with the message so far presented.  Besides, other readers need time to catch up.

Whereas, hitherto, the posts have been every other day, with the remaining section (Part 11-18), we shall increase the interval to five days or less, so that the meat be properly chewed.  Thanks.

The Preacher

Watch out for:

• Obeying Paul or Christ?
• Resolving The Samaritan Puzzle
• The Old Testament of Jesus
• God Hates Divorce
• Hardness of Heart
• What God has Joined Together